Evidently my ears are misshapen...

I had just put dinner in the oven and settled down on the couch to watch Big Band Theory last night (I was pumped because we missed almost all the new episodes before Christmas and had been stuck watching reruns, but yay! a new episode) when M moseyed into his office and peered out the window.

 

"There's two fire trucks in front of our house."

 

"Umm what?"

 

We went out the front door and gawked at the fire trucks and firemen who were currently walking back and forth from our neighbor's door to the truck.  We stood there longer than I would've liked (considering I was wearing a sleeveless dress, tights and boots and it was approximately -564261 degrees outside) because M wouldn't just ask what was going on.  We came back in, he put on shoes and went back out to check on the situation.  I was nervous because I hadn't voiced that about 30 minutes before that I thought I'd smelt something burning.

 

M returned and said "It must not be too bad, Becky and her daughter were sitting in the kitchen directing the firemen."

 

After we'd eaten and one of the trucks had left, M went back outside and found out their carbon monoxide detector had gone off, which is linked to ADT, which immediately called the fire department.  Whew.  So who knows what I smelled burning.

 

M tested our smoke and carbon monoxide detectors' batteries (ya know, for good measure.)

 

You'd think this was the point of the story.

 

I was peacefully asleep when I was suddenly woken at 5:15 am.  I couldn't figure out what had disturbed me, but then I finally honed in on a sound.  I got up and looked out the window thinking maybe it was the carbon monoxide alarm going off at Keith and Becky's again.  Since it was the dead of night, I thought maybe it was more audible than while we had our TV blaring and such.  I went in to see if M had heard it as well, but he was passed out (like I wished I was.)  As I went to go back to bed, I decided I should probably use the restroom so I wouldn't be disturbed again by my incessant bladder.

 

Evidently this woke M, which was good because he was having a horrifying nightmare that he just couldn't seem to escape.  Yay!  I saved him.  But since he was awake, I asked, "Do you hear that?"

 

"Yeah, it's a bird or something."

 

"That's a bird?!  It sounds like an alarm to me."

 

"No, it's a bird, or maybe a tree frog.  I hear it a lot of times when I'm in the shower, but not usually this early"

 

"Well it woke me up."

 

"Do you want some ear-plugs?"

 

"Yes, please!"

 

Those stupid foam ear plugs are a joke.  I tried to put them in my ears and they just fell right out. 

 

"M, how do I get these to stay?"

 

"You squeeze them and twist them into your ear."

 

It still didn't work.  Probably because my ears are misshapen.  Coving my head with a pillow didn't work either.

 

Now mind you, I'm a grumpy person when I have to wake up before 9 o'clock.  Which is almost every day.  I'm an even grumpier person when I have to wake up before the sun is up.  Like this particular morning.

 

We determined that it was two tree frogs who were trying to mate and couldn't find each other.  One frog sounded like it was in the room with us while the other sounded like it might be across the street and down a few doors.  The reason I thought a bird was a good assumption was because it sounded like a damn woodpecker.  That constant, consistent pecking it does.  You know what I'm talking about?  I felt like Kit in Failure to Launch when she bought a gun to kill the mockingbird outside her window.  Except I didn't buy a gun.  And I would never kill a mockingbird.  Harper Lee told me I can't.

 

Instead, as I lay there suffering both from the horrible, atrocious noise outside, but also from suffocation with the pillow smothering my face, I had a genius idea!

 

M bought me those earbuds that stick into your ear for a better fit and to keep others from having to hear your music.  I thought that surely, with those in my ear and my classical music playing, I'd both drown out the noise and get another hour of sleep.

 

Well those awesome earbuds that I love so much because they actually fit well into my ears rather than those other stupid ones that just plain hurt, and don't stay put when you work-out, typically fit when I'm sitting at my desk listening to my ipod, but evidently don't fit whatsoever when your pillow pushes them into your eardrum.

 

On top of that, the damn music didn't drown out asshole frog 1 or asshole frog 2, and I had to turn it up so loud to even somewhat lessen the mating call, that the music kept me from being able to fall back asleep.  And it was classical music.  From a CD called "Classical Music for Yoga and Meditation."  Hellloooo, it's supposed to be calming and peaceful and put me to sleep! 

 

I even smothered the pillow back on top of my head in addition to my earbuds playing classical music and could still hear the bitches.  And I'm not even exaggerating.  By 6:15 I gave up, got up and got in the shower.

 

Guess what?  Because my bathroom is the only room in the house without an outer wall, with the water running I couldn't hear the damn frogs at all!  Hooray.  Why didn't I think to get up and sleep in the shower with the water running for the last hour and a half of my slumber?

 

Positives of this catastrophe: I wasn't rushed trying to get ready.  I had time to sit and massage M's head while he semi-slept, ensuring he was starting off his Friday with a bang.  I got to work 10 minutes early, traffic wasn't as stressful as usual and I'll get to leave 10 minutes early.

 

Negatives: If those frogs do this again tomorrow, Saturday, the wonderful day known for sleeping in, I'll have to bust a cap in their ass.